It may be an understatement to say that I don't do very well with transitions. It seems like during transition points, I hit a sort of funk. The return from India funk has been the worst ever, but that is not to say there haven't been others. This has been my first week at home for the summer and it has hit really hard. Since its junior year summer, its the last real college summer. While I feel like I should be soaking it up and making the most of it with my friends, the truth is that I've barely done anything. At the end of high school, I thought that even though my friend group scattered, we would always be close - we were too good of friends to let anything tear us apart. And while we are all still friends, its not the same, not even close. It has become harder and harder for me to let that go. Almost everyday I'm home I can't shake a sort of sadness and a wish that I could just go back to that summer after senior year, where things were so much easier and more simple. The reality is, though, that it will never be like that again. As my mind clouds with memories that take over my thoughts, leaving me with nothing but fog and haze, I reach that dark place where I forget to see the sunlight and flowers, and forget to hear the birds chirping.
Tonight, as I was driving home from a friend's house, I was thinking about happiness and sadness and everything that falls in between. I thought to myself, "How can I just forget to be happy? How does something like that even happen? I'm driving home from one of my best friends since elementary school but wishing things were like they were before. How does that make any sense?" The reality of the fact is that time isn't going to stop. Its not going to stand still, and as much as I hate to admit it, it probably won't even slow down anytime soon. So why have I been spending so much time wishing I was in the past? Paul writes in Philippians 3:13, "But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." I need to live in the here and now, not the past. Living in the past isn't going to help anyone and it sure isn't going to help me. I'm blessed to still even be friends with those from high school, middle school, elementary, and even before the school days. I have college friends. There is no reason to be stuck in a rut.
Joseph Campbell said, "Find a place where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain." Joy is here and now. I was thinking about happiness and sadness and and all of the other emotions wrapped up inside of the two and I stumbled across joy. This past quarter, in one of my classes, we were talking about suffering and the goodness of God, but because it was a philosophy class, we didn't really talk about what we were supposed to at all. I remember one classmate saying something about finding happiness in the Lord, and another raising a hand saying that there is an important line to be drawn between happiness and joy. The second classmate argued that joy is found in the Lord, rather than happiness. As if straight out of a movie, class ended before either could argue further. I remember going back to my apartment strangely dazed by the distinction that I had never considered before - is there a difference between joy and happiness? I have slowly come to the conclusion that happiness is short and fleeting, it comes and goes based on circumstances that change from year to year, day to day, hour to hour, and even minute to minute. Joy, I believe, is different. Joy, I think is something that once you have it, is there to stay. Joy, I would agree with my classmate, is found only in the Lord. It must be pretty important to have since its even one of the fruits of the Spirit, given to all believers. C.S. Lewis said, "Joy is the serious business of heaven," and David's Psalms are filled with joy and thanksgiving.
My aunt, and one of my biggest role models, passed away almost 3 years ago. When I think about joy and happiness, I think of her. She was the hardest fighter and the most trusting person I have ever met. Battling cancer for year after year after year would run most people into the ground, I would assume. She was tired and as the fight got harder and harder for her, anyone could tell that her circumstances were far from happy. But, even though at times she was far from happy and at times she was sad and at times she was just plain exhausted, she never lost her joy (at least not that I could tell). Even when she was in the hospital for days and weeks, she could smile, even if it was faint. Throughout her long and tiresome fight, she would tell stories and laugh and joke. She had joy. I can learn that from her.
Even when the times are hard, even when I feel sad, I need to remember to still be joyful. Joy is a gift that shouldn't be accepted lightly. Joy is from the King. Joy sets us apart. No matter how sad or stuck I may feel, my joy can be renewed and constantly is being renewed. That is something to be thankful for, something to be happy for.
On my drive home, I thought of a happy list, things that I'm thankful for and things that make me smile.
Today's happy list: sleeping in a bed (something many people don't have the luxury of), pita pit for lunch with the brother (and the best surprise - seeing our classy uncle strolling by), helping Dad at his office and laughing with Mom before she left, a haircut from a dear family friend, endless laughing with one of the best friends a girl could ask for, a sky full of stars, (even though it wasn't today) theological discussions with the brother until the early morning and the list goes on...
Today, I was reminded of how blessed I am. Its not worth bringing myself to a point mentally where I wish things were different. Each day is special, and each day is something to be thankful for. For so many reasons, I can have joy in my heart. Today, I am thankful.
Tonight, as I was driving home from a friend's house, I was thinking about happiness and sadness and everything that falls in between. I thought to myself, "How can I just forget to be happy? How does something like that even happen? I'm driving home from one of my best friends since elementary school but wishing things were like they were before. How does that make any sense?" The reality of the fact is that time isn't going to stop. Its not going to stand still, and as much as I hate to admit it, it probably won't even slow down anytime soon. So why have I been spending so much time wishing I was in the past? Paul writes in Philippians 3:13, "But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead." I need to live in the here and now, not the past. Living in the past isn't going to help anyone and it sure isn't going to help me. I'm blessed to still even be friends with those from high school, middle school, elementary, and even before the school days. I have college friends. There is no reason to be stuck in a rut.
Joseph Campbell said, "Find a place where there's joy and the joy will burn out the pain." Joy is here and now. I was thinking about happiness and sadness and and all of the other emotions wrapped up inside of the two and I stumbled across joy. This past quarter, in one of my classes, we were talking about suffering and the goodness of God, but because it was a philosophy class, we didn't really talk about what we were supposed to at all. I remember one classmate saying something about finding happiness in the Lord, and another raising a hand saying that there is an important line to be drawn between happiness and joy. The second classmate argued that joy is found in the Lord, rather than happiness. As if straight out of a movie, class ended before either could argue further. I remember going back to my apartment strangely dazed by the distinction that I had never considered before - is there a difference between joy and happiness? I have slowly come to the conclusion that happiness is short and fleeting, it comes and goes based on circumstances that change from year to year, day to day, hour to hour, and even minute to minute. Joy, I believe, is different. Joy, I think is something that once you have it, is there to stay. Joy, I would agree with my classmate, is found only in the Lord. It must be pretty important to have since its even one of the fruits of the Spirit, given to all believers. C.S. Lewis said, "Joy is the serious business of heaven," and David's Psalms are filled with joy and thanksgiving.
My aunt, and one of my biggest role models, passed away almost 3 years ago. When I think about joy and happiness, I think of her. She was the hardest fighter and the most trusting person I have ever met. Battling cancer for year after year after year would run most people into the ground, I would assume. She was tired and as the fight got harder and harder for her, anyone could tell that her circumstances were far from happy. But, even though at times she was far from happy and at times she was sad and at times she was just plain exhausted, she never lost her joy (at least not that I could tell). Even when she was in the hospital for days and weeks, she could smile, even if it was faint. Throughout her long and tiresome fight, she would tell stories and laugh and joke. She had joy. I can learn that from her.
Even when the times are hard, even when I feel sad, I need to remember to still be joyful. Joy is a gift that shouldn't be accepted lightly. Joy is from the King. Joy sets us apart. No matter how sad or stuck I may feel, my joy can be renewed and constantly is being renewed. That is something to be thankful for, something to be happy for.
On my drive home, I thought of a happy list, things that I'm thankful for and things that make me smile.
Today's happy list: sleeping in a bed (something many people don't have the luxury of), pita pit for lunch with the brother (and the best surprise - seeing our classy uncle strolling by), helping Dad at his office and laughing with Mom before she left, a haircut from a dear family friend, endless laughing with one of the best friends a girl could ask for, a sky full of stars, (even though it wasn't today) theological discussions with the brother until the early morning and the list goes on...
Today, I was reminded of how blessed I am. Its not worth bringing myself to a point mentally where I wish things were different. Each day is special, and each day is something to be thankful for. For so many reasons, I can have joy in my heart. Today, I am thankful.
