being present.

Sometimes, my mind just swims.  Thoughts, ideas and feelings move about like particles caught up in a whirlwind.  My head and my heart find it so easy to be stuck in the past, stuck in what was.  Usually, my thoughts are caught up in India, the Philippines, and Vietnam. Reminiscing leaves me feeling as though I can smell the incense being burned for the gods throughout the country of India, masking the gut-wrenching smell of cities without sewer systems.  Its as if I can hear the orphaned children in the Philippines singing, "Be brave little one, someone is waiting for you..." I can almost taste the at-times overwhelming mint leaves in Vietnamese sandwiches.  Its as if I can see the bright colors all around me, feel the touch of those who left their mark forever on my heart.   I can't usually go a day without remembering the people and places that have changed my life, my outlook, my actions, and perspectives forever.  The people I have met, as well as those I have only seen from afar have impacted me and who I am and for that reason, its hard for me to not fixate on the past, spend hours looking through pictures, reading my journals and wishing more than anything I was back there, wherever "there" may be at any given point in time.  Because for some reason, those places felt like home.  Those places were hard, sad, and stretching.  But those places brought clarity.

This week, I've been thinking about how potentially detrimental such thought processes may be.  Philippians 3:13 says, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what lies ahead."  I've heard sermons and talks about this verse on New Years in regards to forgetting past sins, hardships, and wrongdoings.  To me, suddenly, there is new clarity.  I don't think that Paul meant so simply that on New Years, we should read Philippians 3:13 and set a new resolution - maybe that is part of it - but I think its much bigger than that.  Tom Hopkins said, "Look at your past.  Your past has determined where you are at this moment.  What you do today will determine where you are tomorrow.  Are you moving forward or standing still?"  Gandhi said, "The future depends on what we do in the present."  Living in the past, whether the good memories or the bad, are keeping me from making the future a better place.  The past - The Philippines, India, and Vietnam - has shaped me, but the importance is not living in those experiences, but rather integrating what I learned there into my future actions.

So right now, I'm trying to be present.  I'm trying to live in the here & now.  I'm trying to make every single day count, because each and every day is precious.  The past doesn't have to stay in the past because it can shape today and tomorrow, but the past cannot be the only thing defining today.