Monday, April 1, 2013

How did I get here?

6:30 am.  Beep.  Beep.  Beep.  Snooze.  6:35 am.  Pink sky.  Chirping birds singing melodies.  Out of bed.  Dressed.  Mini Wheats.  Studying.  And, as I wash the green bowl that once held my Mini Wheats, I wonder how I got here.  In less than 9 weeks from now, I will have a college degree.  I will be a college graduate.  All of this schooling that has been the only way of life I have ever known will be over.

1:30 pm.  Rush into the elementary school.  "Miss Erin! How long have you been gone?" "2 Weeks. It was my spring break!" "What?! It feels like its been 2 whole months!"  This, accompanied by hugs and "We missed you!" by numerous 1st and 2nd graders reminds me why I love this place.  And yet, this too, will end in 9 short weeks.

4:30 pm.  Reading.  4 articles. 6 book chapters. 3 textbook chapters.  Daunting.  Reading.  Highlighting.  Note taking.  Writing.  2 papers.  Its only the first Monday of class.  Two years ago, I would have hated every minute of it.  This year, however, amidst the business and complete exhaustion, I have loved it.  Most days, I have just been trying to stay afloat; winning the race isn't even a thought.  But, staying afloat has become okay for the first time in my life, because, I love my classes and I wouldn't want to drop any of them.

10:30 pm.  Here I sit.  I can't help but look back on this year and be reminded of how constantly chaotic and overwhelming this year has been.  18 and 19 credit quarters, 13 hour work weeks, daily trips to the library, and a sleep schedule that has been functioning on less than 5 hours per night has been my senior year.  Ice cream study breaks and 30 second dance parties with my roommates and best friends have become normal.

Part of me is relieved that this year of overwhelming stress is almost over, but part of me is incredibly saddened.  Where am I supposed to go from here?  I still don't know; it really is too bad there isn't a manual for life, because it would come in handy right now.  But, as I am forced to imagine what the future may hold, I am reminded of how heartbroken I was throughout my India experience.  It was hard.  There were days I hated it and there were days I loved it.  That is how college has been - some days I just want it to be over, and some I wish it would last forever.  But, just as the season of my time in India came to a close, so my time in college is about to come to a close.  I know that it will be happy and sad and wonderful and difficult all wrapped into one very mixed up and torn Erin, but I know that whatever is next is a new season.  New seasons bring new fruit, new flowers, and new activities.  What a beautiful life I live.  

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