Before I went to India, I started my very first blog post with a Shane Claiborne quote. It seemed so fitting. "All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don't tiptoe." I was reminded of that quote while writing a note for Grace, who is spending the next 3 months in Guatemala. She posted it on Facebook today and I read it while I was talking to Nick on the phone. I chuckled as I read the quote, being reminded of the beauty in the words of Mr. Claiborne, telling Nick how much I love that quote.
While on vacation with my family prior to dropping Nick of at college, I had a conversation over the phone with a Peace Corps rep. It was a very short and somewhat odd conversation and while speaking to the rep, I wasn't sure why the conversation was necessary or what it was really about at all. As the conversation began to come to a close, the rep told me that my application was under consideration and was clear for an invitation. "Well that's great," I thought, "But I was expecting that invitation months ago." Just as that thought filled my mind, the rep said, "And I am processing your invitation as we speak. It should be in your inbox within the hour. Have a nice day!" I replied, "Great. Wow. Okay, yes, you have a great day too. Bye." And I sat there. What the heck had happened? It was as if I couldn't do anything but sit there, staring at my computer screen. About 20 minutes after the phone call ended, I received the email titled "Invitation!" I had been invited to serve in Indonesia. I told my family to come and read the email and excitedly they congratulated me on the invitation and quickly began to talk about planning a trip to visit.
I remember finding out that I had been accepted to the India Studies Program. I told my parents about it over Skype. I vividly remember my mom saying, "You don't sound very excited..." and through tears I told her that I wasn't excited. I wanted to go to Australia or somewhere cool, with beaches and people that spoke English. I didn't want to go to India. At all. But, I had a feeling deep down to my core that I needed to go. So, I told my mom that I really couldn't have been less excited but I knew I had to go. That summer, before I left, I heard a sermon. It was about the man who refused to give up his comfortable life to follow Jesus and as he did so, he walked away from Jesus feeling sad. The take-away was just that: don't walk away sad. I knew that if I said "no" to India, I would be walking away sad.
As I found out that I had been invited to Indonesia, and began to tell friends and extended family, I wondered why everyone just assumed that I would go. I understand how silly that sounds, but it was as though no one considered how huge of a commitment 27 months is. Indonesia for more than 2 years? Thats a huge deal. But, everyone was so excited for me so I put on my best excited face too and pretended to not have a worry in the world. The more I thought about it, though, the greater the anxiety within me was building. My dad kept asking if I had accepted the invitation and I repeatedly said no. He reminded me that I only have a few days to accept and that I should do that soon. Today, when everyone was at work, I sat on the couch, and, with tear-stained cheeks, read through the hundreds and hundreds of pages of manuals and books of assignment information that is sent along with the invitation. If I accepted that invitation, what the heck was I getting myself into? Certainly something for which I am vastly unprepared. I know nothing about Indonesia and I have never taught older kids/young adults, I've only tutored first graders. Fear was crippling me and all I wanted to do was decline my invitation and forget about it. I texted my Nick, through tears, asking what I was getting myself into if I went to Indonesia for 27 months. He replied saying that it sounded so much longer when you count it in months. I told him that it was scary and that I didn't want to go anymore. And what he told me was what I needed to hear, "I think those fears should never give way to tiptoeing. Its terrifying. But you won't regret it." I'm not sure how a 19 year old can be so wise beyond his years, but he is. And when he said that, I knew I couldn't decline the invitation. I still don't know what I'm getting myself into, but I know that great (and ridiculously difficult) things are laid out for my time in Indonesia and the last thing I want to do is walk away sad.
So, an hour ago, I accepted my invitation. My parents were glad I finally did so and gave me big hugs. Matt walked in to the living room and I told him that I had accepted. He said he knew I would. "How did you know that?" He told me he just knew. It seems that everyone but me knew that I couldn't walk away from such an incredible opportunity and exciting adventure. I don't think anyone knew how strongly I was weighing the option of declining that invitation. But honestly, I don't know if I really would have been able to decline if I had tried. I don't want to tiptoe through life and I certainly don't want to walk away sad, I just needed a little reminder. I'm still terrified and anxious and nervous for my unpreparedness and for all that I will miss by being gone for that long. You know what though? I'm also so excited. I'm going to Indonesia. I'm going to be brave and I'm going to travel across the globe for more than 2 years all by myself and teach English.
I recently attended the Global Leadership Summit and the opening speaker focused on Deuteronomy 31:6 and Joshua 1:9. Be strong and Courageous. So here I go, fostering strength and courage that I can only get from God. I'm going to Indonesia!
While on vacation with my family prior to dropping Nick of at college, I had a conversation over the phone with a Peace Corps rep. It was a very short and somewhat odd conversation and while speaking to the rep, I wasn't sure why the conversation was necessary or what it was really about at all. As the conversation began to come to a close, the rep told me that my application was under consideration and was clear for an invitation. "Well that's great," I thought, "But I was expecting that invitation months ago." Just as that thought filled my mind, the rep said, "And I am processing your invitation as we speak. It should be in your inbox within the hour. Have a nice day!" I replied, "Great. Wow. Okay, yes, you have a great day too. Bye." And I sat there. What the heck had happened? It was as if I couldn't do anything but sit there, staring at my computer screen. About 20 minutes after the phone call ended, I received the email titled "Invitation!" I had been invited to serve in Indonesia. I told my family to come and read the email and excitedly they congratulated me on the invitation and quickly began to talk about planning a trip to visit.
I remember finding out that I had been accepted to the India Studies Program. I told my parents about it over Skype. I vividly remember my mom saying, "You don't sound very excited..." and through tears I told her that I wasn't excited. I wanted to go to Australia or somewhere cool, with beaches and people that spoke English. I didn't want to go to India. At all. But, I had a feeling deep down to my core that I needed to go. So, I told my mom that I really couldn't have been less excited but I knew I had to go. That summer, before I left, I heard a sermon. It was about the man who refused to give up his comfortable life to follow Jesus and as he did so, he walked away from Jesus feeling sad. The take-away was just that: don't walk away sad. I knew that if I said "no" to India, I would be walking away sad.
As I found out that I had been invited to Indonesia, and began to tell friends and extended family, I wondered why everyone just assumed that I would go. I understand how silly that sounds, but it was as though no one considered how huge of a commitment 27 months is. Indonesia for more than 2 years? Thats a huge deal. But, everyone was so excited for me so I put on my best excited face too and pretended to not have a worry in the world. The more I thought about it, though, the greater the anxiety within me was building. My dad kept asking if I had accepted the invitation and I repeatedly said no. He reminded me that I only have a few days to accept and that I should do that soon. Today, when everyone was at work, I sat on the couch, and, with tear-stained cheeks, read through the hundreds and hundreds of pages of manuals and books of assignment information that is sent along with the invitation. If I accepted that invitation, what the heck was I getting myself into? Certainly something for which I am vastly unprepared. I know nothing about Indonesia and I have never taught older kids/young adults, I've only tutored first graders. Fear was crippling me and all I wanted to do was decline my invitation and forget about it. I texted my Nick, through tears, asking what I was getting myself into if I went to Indonesia for 27 months. He replied saying that it sounded so much longer when you count it in months. I told him that it was scary and that I didn't want to go anymore. And what he told me was what I needed to hear, "I think those fears should never give way to tiptoeing. Its terrifying. But you won't regret it." I'm not sure how a 19 year old can be so wise beyond his years, but he is. And when he said that, I knew I couldn't decline the invitation. I still don't know what I'm getting myself into, but I know that great (and ridiculously difficult) things are laid out for my time in Indonesia and the last thing I want to do is walk away sad.
So, an hour ago, I accepted my invitation. My parents were glad I finally did so and gave me big hugs. Matt walked in to the living room and I told him that I had accepted. He said he knew I would. "How did you know that?" He told me he just knew. It seems that everyone but me knew that I couldn't walk away from such an incredible opportunity and exciting adventure. I don't think anyone knew how strongly I was weighing the option of declining that invitation. But honestly, I don't know if I really would have been able to decline if I had tried. I don't want to tiptoe through life and I certainly don't want to walk away sad, I just needed a little reminder. I'm still terrified and anxious and nervous for my unpreparedness and for all that I will miss by being gone for that long. You know what though? I'm also so excited. I'm going to Indonesia. I'm going to be brave and I'm going to travel across the globe for more than 2 years all by myself and teach English.
I recently attended the Global Leadership Summit and the opening speaker focused on Deuteronomy 31:6 and Joshua 1:9. Be strong and Courageous. So here I go, fostering strength and courage that I can only get from God. I'm going to Indonesia!
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