whirlwind

I just found this little tidbit.  I wrote it shortly after leaving India.

"Its absolutely crazy and almost incomprehensible that one week ago, I was just leaving India.  It seems like its been so long since I was in class at Bishop Appassamy College.  As much as I doubted that I’d ever say such a thing, I miss it.  It has been such a blessing to be back with family, especially because they ensure me that its okay to have a “well, in India..” rebuttal to nearly everything. But, being back, there are things that keep hitting me like bricks that I never thought would.  One of my fellow ISPers said something along the lines of, “Although India didn’t concretely change who I am, I wouldn’t feel like myself without it.” Amen to that, sister.

As the mehindi on my arms fades, I pray that my memories do not.  

There are so many things from the two weeks of travel that I can’t seem to push from my mind.  First of all, Calcutta.  Even though we were only there for 4 days, it took a piece of my heart.  I’m a firm believer in seeing the “tough stuff.”  I think that there is great value in seeing things that break your heart and force tears to be shed because those are the things that stir such discomfort within the soul. That terrible discomfort, I believe, leads to action.  Our leader, Kirk, possesses a great amount of wisdom.  Two things that he’s said have struck me.  First:  “You need to find a way to live in the tension between comfort and a deep upset for justice.  When you live in that tension, you are able to make an impact.”  Second: “Everything is preparation for something.”  I don’t know what Calcutta is preparing me for, but I know that something will come as a result, because I feel that tension.  If I could, I would pack up my family and friends, throw them in some suitcases and take them all to Calcutta and I would find something to do there, some way to love those who need it so badly.  But, unfortunately, those doors aren’t open and I don’t think everyone I would want to come with me would want to come.  But, Calcutta broke my heart in a way that I don’t know how to mend.  I will never forget the small, small things that I witnessed in such a short time there.  If you’ve ever watched Slumdog Millionaire, you may recall that in the film, people are many times maimed by those higher up in society in order to become beggars and are then forced to give the money they earn begging to their “bosses.”  I never realized that beyond being an incredibly sad plot to a movie, that actually is a sick reality in India.  People who are severely disfigured and begging on the streets many times weren’t born that way, but were made that way by what I would consider to be the equivalent of a pimp, but in a different context.  I saw a man whom I will never forget.  He had no arms and he had no legs.  All he could do was lie hopelessly on the sidewalk and wait for someone to act as a good Samaritan.  He literally couldn’t do anything on his own.  I can’t imagine there being a human being so obsessed with money or sick in the mind that they could do such a thing to another person as to mutilate them and make them into a completely helpless creature.  It absolutely blows me away. 

It makes me feel ignorant to say this, but Calcutta put a face to the issues.  I knew these kind of dreadful things existed but until I went to Calcutta, I had never seen such poverty, such hurt, such sadness and yet such joy even in the pain.  In Shane Claiborne’s book, The Irresistible Revolution, he writes about how when he was in Calcutta, he could see Jesus through the street people, through those who had nothing and to me, it is so true.  I get it now.  We can see so much of Jesus in those who may not even know him.  Life is a beautiful thing and so full of Christ’s love for us if we only stop and take a minute to soak in that beauty."